SO there I was, sitting on a towel under the scorching Australian sun. One of my travel buddies was next to me reading a book, the other sleeping. Our favourite album was on the stereo and there wasn’t another soul around, save for the odd squawk of a native bird.

Sounds like the perfect holiday experience, eh? So why were all three of us in fear of our lives? There was no doubt in our minds it was all Kylie’s fault.

You see, “Kylie” was our 1988 Holden Commodore and she had just stopped “doing the locomotion” halfway down a deserted dirt road somewhere in the South Australian outback. My travel buddies and I were sitting by the roadside watching a plume of steam gush out of the radiator.

We’d picked her up on Parramatta Rd in Sydney for a couple of thousand dollars. Naming her Kylie was easy – she had some distinct similarities with the diminutive singer. Like the real thing, our Kylie was an ‘80s hit and had a lovely undercarriage, but she was also a little past her prime.

Nonetheless we’d done our homework and had followed the rules for buying a travel car:

DO Make sure the car showroom/lot has a good rep. Ask around with other travellers to find out who offers the best deal. Some dealers who sell regularly to travellers even have “buy-back” policies.

DO Insist on a logbook. If you’re buying an older car, make sure it has an up-to-date logbook so you can see who’s owned it and how often it was serviced.

DO Take someone who knows something about cars with you when buying. There’s bound to be someone you meet who knows about motors, so buy them a slab of beer and get them to give your purchase the once over before you part with your cash.

DON’T Take a risk. If the price is too good to be true, then it usually is and if the car doesn’t look like it will go the distance, it probably won’t. Sometimes spending a bit more can pay off in the long-term

DON’T Kick the tyres of a car in the lot. It’s what everyone who knows nothing about cars does, and shows you up to be a rookie car buyer.

So what happened? Why had our Kylie let us down? Buying her to explore Australia was the highlight of our trip.

She was our fourth travel buddy; she was someone we spoke to frequently, she looked after us and we did the same in return. Her relationship with each member of the group was as important as any of the human relationships we’d forged – we knew we had to look after Kylie in order for her to look after us.

So I’m convinced our outback car trouble happened because while we took all precautions before buying her, we’d forgotten the first rule when out on the road. There’s no quicker way to cause a breakdown than calling your car a “piece of sh*t, useless rust bucket”. It’s like they can hear you.

Seven hours by the side of the road in the blazing sun gave us ample time to think about how Kylie was teaching us this valuable lesson.

By stranding us on a road that was surely only frequented by serial killers, she was reminding us she was as part of the road trip as any of her passengers. With Wolf Creek still fresh in our minds, we were petrified about what kind of local would drive past and “rescue” us.

In the end, it was a middle-aged school teacher who helped get Kylie to a service station. He had all his teeth, didn’t laugh maniacally for no reason or have a giant knife on his belt. But I’m sure he was big fan of Kylie.